Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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