it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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