I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
