If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
