i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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