I have demons in me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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