why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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