today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
