then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
