You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
