Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
