She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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