I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
