Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
