found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
