Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
