You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
