Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
