when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
