i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
