hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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