I hate your face
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
