Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
