So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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