this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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