dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is the high leading the old right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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