Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
