I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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