batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
