was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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