Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
