Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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