I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
