Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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