I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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