I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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