OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
