I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
