I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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