She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
