Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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