the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
