Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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