Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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