she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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