Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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