For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
