for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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