I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
