my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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