Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
