Im at strip club and am horny
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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