just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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